princess.kerry.

last summer i met the most beautiful, funny, and incredibly sarcastic person i have ever met. his name*s kerry, and he is unlike anyone else i have ever come across…
i met kerry summer of ’00 while i was working at my barn. he was a riding instructor there, too. it was kinda weird, i would have never expected to be friends with him… he*s the kind of guy that*s very, well, princessy (he loves it though, he*s got the most incredibly unreal personality. he should be a model. he*s beautiful. he*s got the looks, and the attitude…), and the type of person that if you*re not, for example, wearing the “right” kind of clothes, won*t talk to you. and then there*s me, the awkward punk girl. and somehow, who knows why, we hit it off and became inseparable. i had the most fun that summer. working from 8am-3pm with the horses, and then we*d have a mission trying to convince someone to drive us several towns away to score coke. we would wind up in baldwin several hours later, broke, and with no ride back to west hempstead. man, those were crazy adventures. by the time we got back to the barn we*d just
hang out the rest of the night with all the other kids who worked there, and go riding through the woods… it was incredible. next day, the situation would repeat itself. and so on, and so on… but the times ended, as do all good things, and he was sent to rehab…
today, six months laider, he and terry (one of his best friends and a very good friend of mine) showed up at my house. i was so thrilled to see him. he*s been clean a while now, but he still hasn*t lost that spark and that attitude that made him who he is…
and so, with last summer far behind us, and another summer getting closer every day, i can only hope that this coming one will be as great as last… of racing our horses at 10 o’clock at night through the woods, of talkin about boys, of being absolutely silly together, and laughing so hard all day that my ribs hurt… 8am-11pm 5 days a week of working and doing what i love most, and being around the most amazing people to walk this earth…
and even then the days were too short…

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ever get the feeling you*ve been cheated?

cheated out of a day i mean.
today i woke up, and everything was perfect. i got tons of sleep, the weather was gorgeous, and everything was right with the world.
yet somehow, allll day, i had the most overwhelming selse of icky-ness that i just couldn*t shake. i was groggy, iritable, overall just “bleh” and not wanting to do anything at all. so i went to cbgb*s to see the virus to try and force myself into getting rid of that ick feeling, but no, didn*t work, and i wound up broke, tired, and still feeling ick… what a complete waste of a day. =(

meeting punk boys at ikea.

hah, what a great place to meet people. i neva woulda thought…
i was standing on the checkout line in the ikea warehouse today with my mother buying furniture, and she goes off to look at some obscure little thing that places like ikea tend to sell, and i see one of the worker-boys in front of me, get this, wearin a three row pyramid belt and sportin a mohawk. i was like ‘huh?!’ and he turns around and looks at me and says “ainsley” and turns back around. i*m left standing there thinking ‘who is this punk boy working in ikea who i have never seen before in my life but somehow he knows my name?’ then he walked out of the store.
weeeeeeeeeird.
so about 5 minutes laider, i was outside waiting for my mom to pull her car around so i could load the 700lbs of furniture (oh man, i was waitin for it to squish the roof like a friggen clowncar) and guess who comes walkin by? mystery-punk-boy. so he came over and we started talking and much to my relief i had never met him before (i had started to think that i was an absolute bitch for not remembering someone) and stuff and he was really nice an
d it made my day… you know, meeting random people in ikea. it*s all good
then i went home and proceeded to put together furniture and do lots of fun carpentry-stuff until midnight which made me feel quite “working class” considering i had the Business on. hah. i love carpentry. =)
…so, to rob from levittown, it was very nice to meet you today, and send ron my love. see ya soon ikea-boy…

watch out road… here i come.

i signed up for driver*s ed today.
as of june 20th, i will be a +liscenced driver+ with the ability to go wherever the fuck i want!
…and i don*t find it funny that my friends are making “i should be scared” comments. meh. 😉

happy birthday to me.

i hate birthdays. every fucking year something goes wrong. this year included.
but, whatever. i got to see my horse, and he was an absolute nutcase as always, and i love him, so that made it okay…
i just can*t wait till it*s tomorrow and today is finally over…..

joey ramone died today…

and i cried when i found out.

it*s midnight!

and even though i don*t believe in religion,
.:happy easter:.
let the indulgence begin.
ahh… what a great excuse to fill your body with chocolate, sugar, and other yummy things that will ultimately harm you. meh.

i think i love you, will you pogo with me?

what a lovely day…
the weather was absolutely perfect, and, as always, there was a good show at abc no rio…
not too many kids showed up, being that leftover crack was playing on long island about 15 minutes from my house (everyone went to that show instead, grr), but it was that nice, relaxed feeling, where it*s just the usual crowd sitting in the backyard smoking pot and drinking ciders. and the sunshine… ah, perfect day.
so, first band up was mah friends band, Life of Riley (if you haven*t heard them already, you must do so. they are quite the amazing band.) they played a great set as always… “i think i love you, will you pogo with me?” next was this band teddy buchamp’s army but i was in the backyard during their set so i can*t comment. then.. harum scarum! =D they were sooo good. well, not surprising, since they are from portland. is it a rule or something that all bands from portland are incredible? for example; defiance, unamused, obliterated, statch & the rapes… and then was asstroland. need i say more? 😉
and the day kept getting even better. a bunch of us walked back up to st. marks, and since it was so gorgeous out, we walked to tompkins square park and just sat and in the twilight//night for about an hour and a half until chris and i had to go catch our trains. but, ah, i miss summer so much… i can*t wait till everyday is this beautiful.
and oh yeah, marina, i ❤ you!! hehe

i be mad bored.

it*s 1:30am. kevin*s on my floor reading seventeen. i*m sewing a skirt.
i*m having one of those insanely bored periods where even slamming yer head into the wall to acheive that +wonderful+ dizzy feeling sounds exciting and a half…
i got new underwear today.

quote from my favourite book: Smack, by Melvin Burgess

“Do you want to know more? Listen, I’ll tell you everything.
You can do anything you want.
You don’t believe me. You think, she’s out of her head. Yeah, I’m out of my head– on being me. What are you on? On being them. You don’t even know. I bet you were never even given a chance to know.
Remember when you were little and they used to say, “Naughty girl, naughty boy,” because you broke something or said the wrong thing? They told you, “You are a bad person.
But it wasn’t like that, it was just you were doing a bad thing. It wasn’t you who was bad. You’re beautiful. You’re wonderful and everything that you do is wonderful because it’s you doing it. You’re that strong. You can do it bad and know it bad or you can do it good and know it good but it doesn’t do anything to you. You’re still you.
…You are anything…everyone, anyone. Whatever you want. I’m showing you. So long as you stay yourself inside, you can eat dirt and it’ll taste good because it’s you that’s eating it. You can even lick
their arses if you have to. You listen to them, teachers, parents, politicans. They’re always saying, if you steal you’re a theif, if you sleep around you’re a slut, if you take drugs you’re a junkie. They want to get inside your head and control you with their fear.
Maybe you think your mum and dad love you but if you do the wrong things they’ll try to turn you into dirt, just like mine tried to turn me into dirt. It’s your punishment for being you. Don’t play their game. Nothing can touch you; you stay beautiful…”
-Lily