Archive for April, 2001

good friends, old times

April 11, 2001

tonight i saw two of my closest friends, who i had sadly, had not seen in ages…
i spent most of the day sleeping, just recouperating from running around the previous several weeks, and hanging around the house in my pj*s.
around 7:30pm i got a call from my friend chris, a boy i used to see literally everyday, but as of late, things kind of, well, faded. i hadn*t seen him, let alone spoken to him in so long… too long… he came over, we sat and talked a little, then another one of my friends from way back when came over. nikole. she was with this rob, a nice guy i hadn*t met before. we decided to go to this local goth//punk coffee house for auld lang syne.
and it was nice. to just sit, to talk, to laugh, to fuck around, as if nothing had changed, and as if no time at all had passed between the three (chris, nikole, and myself) of us…
but it had…

spikey haired drunk punx, oi.

April 10, 2001

what a purely fun day.
kill your idols & the casualties.
i hadn*t seen either band in ages.
cbgb*s was packed. soo many kids showed up. it was good to see them all again. i*m crazy tired and achy… but the good kind of achy, the kind that results from being slammed around all night and from screaming your lungs out to the best drunk punk band ever.
i hadn*t seen the casualties in so long. and yes, everyone puts them down cause they*re “chaos drunk punx” but so what? they*re fun as fuck, and such incredibly +nice+ guys.
to top things off, my paulie came back… one of the sweetest, most genuine boys i have ever met, he moved to long island over a year ago, but recently went back to buffalo… i missed him unimaginable amounts, and he showed up tonight.
…imagine the smile on my face when i realised he was there…
what a great day.

gary goggins

April 10, 2001

“well, you can write about me.
you should write ‘gary is not a scumbag’ over and over again”
gary – you are not a scumbag…
you are one of the most intelligent, caring, interesting and incredible people i have ever met in my life.
whenever i need someone to talk to, to bitch to, to laugh with, i can always count on you to make me smile, to fix me, and to call me “jerk//dork”
you*re unlike anyone i*ve ever met in my life. in a lot of ways, i see myself in you. and that really bothers me, cause i*ve never met someone i can relate to as well as i do with you.
you make me feel warm, you make me feel safe, i just can*t explain it. and you are definitly not a scumbag. i*m grateful to have you in my life… you mean the world to me, much more so than you could ever know…
…after all, how many other boys would i run away with?


April 9, 2001

i*m in love with today.
it was, and still is, absolutely incredibly beautiful.
one of those days where you just wanna go outside in yer undies and walk around in the grass barefoot delerious with contentment beacuse everything*s just so lovely.

k-dizog*s whip.

April 8, 2001

11 o’clock, i was just about to fall asleep, and my doorbell rings.
kurt got his driver*s liscence.
lookout world, new york bum punx is on the road!

meh. baby goats

April 8, 2001

wow, today rocked. first, i actually slept. reaaaally late too. surprise surprise.
so i went with my mother up to the tack store (horseback riding store) and i +finally+ picked up the bridle i*d ordered in decemeber. ha. then we went to my mother*s best friend*s barn. her name*s Lia. she*s like a sister to me, i*ve know her for 10 years. she*s incredible. but anyways, the cool part–
they just got baby goats!! =D
i got to play with three baby goats allll day.
it was sooo much fun. they were the most adorable things ever, climbing on me and making those little “meh” noises, cutest things i had ever seen in my life.
and Lia lets them go in the house, so i brough one of em in with us, and it sat on my lap for over an hour just like a cat and it was just too cute.
everyone should have a pet goat in their house, the world would be such a happier place…

mark unseen… a woman?

April 7, 2001

several weeks back i had quite an odd dream.
i was sitting in my friend rich*s apartment in syracuse and i was with my friend gary from new jeresy for some reason. it was just the three of us.
and i look up, and i see mark unseen, clear as day, standing across the room making pins on a button-making-machine.
so i turn to gary, and i say ‘hey look, it*s mark unseen. what*s he doing here?’ and then i look back to where mark was standing, and…
he was a woman.
weird. kinda makes you think… 😉

ho, mo.

April 5, 2001
(no, the subject is not a degrading comment– keep reading)
today was gorgeous. one of those days where you wake up and all you want to do is lose yourself in the woods somewhere with your thoughts….
blah blah blah skip through school, 3pm, to my surprise, my mother was waiting outside to pick me up. she had been thinking the same thing as i had all day long – perfect day to go horseback riding.
my mother and i have both been riding about 10 years, and it*s what we love more than anything. she had taken the day off from work simply beacuse the weather was too beautiful for this time of year to pass up. so we drove to the barn, and… damn that place can lift me from the worst possible mood to absolute ecstacy.
much to my happiness, my horse, the love of my life, Motown, was still in his stall. to my dismay, i found out he hadn*t been +out+ of his stall in about a week and a half. definitly not a good thing for a horse who normally has enegry and a half. i groomed him for a bit and shed out his winter coat, tacked him up, and mounted up in the trail ri
ng, the whole wile getting comments from my friends who worked there that i must be “crazy to ride that horse. he*s a nutcase”. yeah, but he*s my mo, and i love him.
so the ride was fantastic. i hadn*t been down there in about a month due to school and lack of money and being so busy. but he remembered me. as soon as i got on his back and picked up the reins, he knew it was me. i love that horse… it*s weird, he only behaves like an angel when i ride him, with everyone else he will take advantage of them, he bucks, rears, runs away, etc. but as soon as i ask him to drop his head, start listening to my aids and to collect, he*s as good as gold…
a little advice to anyone who has never ridden a horse- find a barn/stable near your house, and go take a trail ride. preferably in the spring or fall, that*s when the woods are the most beautiful. go out for an hour, sit on the back of the most incrdible animal on the face of this planet, and just lose yourself in your thoughts. it*s a feeling like none other.
now i could write for hours and hours about how much i love riding and how incredibly happy being around horses makes me, but my sleeping pills are starting to (finally) kick in, and i*m gonna go “hit the hay” <– oh man am i cheesy.
*note: the subject. the horse i ride, Motown. his nickname around the barn is “mo”. anyone who knows horses knows that when you
ask a horse to stop or slow down, in addition to using your natural aids, you usually say “ho”… one day my friend and i were racing the horses we were riding, and when we went to stop, well, it came out “ho, mo!” =)

insomniac and a half

April 5, 2001

how come sleeping pills +don*t+ make me tired?!

long way from home…

April 5, 2001

ever had that feeling that you know the enevitable is coming and you need to escape? join the frikken club.
well boys and girls, it*s that time of year again. yep, my birthday. in less than two weeks i will be 17 (almost old enough to legally buy porn). lucky me right? nope. this is the time of year where everything in my life just loves to fuck with my head. where my stars align to the worst possible patterns, and everything goes worse than possibly immaginable.
isn*t there a way so that the calendar no longer includes april 17th?? i mean, they added a day for leap year, why not take one out…
for the past four years, i*ve either wound up a) putting my fist through a wall, b) crying my eyes out, or c) running away from home on my birthday. good times right? it*s all about the memories. yeah…
and yet again, i*m starting to see all these things set themselves up yet again, another year, another sob story waiting to unfold.
all i want is to be left alone. so i sit and listen to emo to try and coutnerbalance the sense of anger and of hopelessness i
feel running through my body at increasing levels… and it*s not working, because all it*s doing is making me cry and realise i need to get outta here. i can*t wait until i leave this place and never look back…