Archive for May, 2001

guinness and genocide

May 15, 2001

so i*m sitting in history today and we were talking about the holocaust and my teacher is like “who knows what it was?” and i was like ‘it was a mass cultural genocide.’
then, best part – one of the kids goes “isn*t that a kind of beer?”
hahaha. he thought i said guinness.
imagine walking into a pub and asking for a pint of genocide… damn these kids are funny.

best mother*s day ever.

May 13, 2001

ah, i ❤ my mom.
anyone who knows me knows that i love my mom more than anyone. she is my everything. she is my world. my best friend.
today for mother*s day my mother and i went and got some lunch at some really neat place on the piers a couple towns from my house. we sat and talked and laughed and had a good time and it was just fun. and there was an old boat or somethin that was part of a display on the street and it said “do not touch this boat” and just becasue it had that sign on it my mom and i touched it. hah. dumb i know, but we were giggling like a pair of 8 year olds the whole day… i have more fun with her than any of my friends. weird huh? we get ridiculously stupid together, just laughing and tellin sick jokes and, well, she*s just the best there is…

three years and countless tears later…

May 13, 2001

and i still love him with all my heart.
it*s saturday night, 1:37 in the mornin…
tonight my friend chris +begged+ me to find him pot. and since the one definite supplier i know i haven*t spoken to in over three weeks becasue of some issues we*d had, i hadda search all over to try and find him some. and sadly for chris, everyone was dry (very odd.)
so i tried my best to be a good friend and paged my ex who i haven*t spoken to in months… and he called me back… and i told him the deal. he was dry too. oh well…
but the thing is, this boy (who will probably never ever read this, but if for the slight chance he does, he will know who he is…) means everything to me. from the moment i met him, it was love at first sight. and to whoever doesn*t believe in that – sucks to be you – cause every day i loved him more and more. and i still do, even to this day, three years later, i love him with all my heart, beyond what words can say. we broke up on +really+ bad terms due to several complicated shitty-ass misunderstandings. but now, several years later, we are finally o
n speaking terms… if you could call it that. we speak every three or five months or whenever. which i know isn*t anything at all, but i*m grateful for it, for the little bit of contact we do still keep.
so, brian, if you ever read this… you know i love you, and i always have, and i always will. and no matter what happens in either of our lives, i will always be there for you, unconditionally. as a friend, as whatever. and whether or not you know it, you are//were one of the most important people in my life…
…and everytime i hear his voice, or think of him, or look at his picture, my heart shatters into a million little pieces of emo.

bitchin camero

May 10, 2001

tex has a pritty accent.
cause he*s southern. (hehe)
and he*s gonna come visit me in a month
and he makes me smile.


May 9, 2001

words cannot describe the incredible state of fucking anger, pain, determination and sadness i feel right now…
i*ve been waiting for years to get a car. and i finally managed to get up (almost) enough cash to buy the perfect one. my friend chris is selling his car, i*ve loved this thing for two years, ever since i met him. and he*s sellin it to me cheap…
so, my parents of course agreed, since i have good grades, a job, and have proven myself responsible, that if i pay for the car myself, i can of course buy it. good deal right?
nah. my fucking father (can i even call him that?), a man who should be concerned with taking care of his family (if he doesn*t want to, then he shouldn*t have started one in the first place. after 17 years, both my mother and i have come to the conclusion that this man has +no+ sense of resonsability at all and maintains the mental maturity of an adolescent) stole $1,000 from me that i was planning on using to buy said car.
consequently, i am having to take out a loan at the age of 17 with which to pay
this car off. and i don*t even know 100% if that will work. so basically, i got fucked over by a man who i should have been able to trust. who shouldn*t be out every fucking day of the week smoking pot instead of going to work and spending the morgage (sp?) money on buying cds.
i am soooo pissed off right now. i*ve worked my whole life, always gettin my own shit, not relying on anyone. everything i*ve wanted or needed i bought myself (my saddle, my tv, my bass, my stereo, my clothes, hroseback riding…) with the exception of food and water and electricity, i pay my own fucking way… and now, here i am doin that again. trying to get a car so i can get the FUCK out of this place, but nooooo this dickhead who doesn*t give a shit about anyone but himself when and screwed over everything i*ve been working my hardest to get for ages…
and this has been a sickeningly disgusting patteren repeated by him throughout my life… and my mothers…
…and i just needed to vent.


May 8, 2001

help me pay off my debt. <—car loan
(anything helps, regardless how small)
send money to:
ainsley hyman
3 devon street
lynbrook, new york
go grab yer parents checkbooks kiddies, your help is muchly appreciated.

i don*t give a shit. forget about it. forget, forget, forget about it…

May 5, 2001

well, the SAT*s are over and done with. and sadly, i think i did pretty shitty…
i hadda take the test at Valley Stream Central cause my school wasn*t hosting it. the fucking proctors there were horrible. the woman in the room where i took the test was a fuckin moron. she messed up with the test materials a bunch of times, and was an absolute ditz.
worse off, you know how there*s always one kid who disrupts everyone? well the bastard happened to be sitting right fucking next to me. for two fucking whole hours this kid talked, made noises, threw stuff, even went so far as to take his shoes off repeatedly. and did the proctor do anything? nope. the +finally+ kicked him out about half an hour before the test was done… but by then, i have a feeling i already fucked up on the SAT*s because i could not concentrate at all.
and i*m just reeally pissed off. 1) at that kid, and the others who were doing similar things. yeah i don*t care if they don*t care about their grades, their futures, that*s their own problem. but how fucking dare they ruin +my+ chances for a
good future. and 2) i*m fucking pissed at the school and the proctor for not doing shit about it.
i*m full of all kinds of rage.

i shouldn’t be here…

May 4, 2001

i should be studying.
i am taking my SAT’s tomorrow.
the one exam that will probably determine my future, and i*m sitting here crying instead of studying because i don*t have enough money to pay off my car…
help. send me money.
i*m desperate


May 2, 2001

i have nothing to say.