Archive for August, 2001

.she screams.

August 30, 2001

i have stitches in my gums. they*ve been there for a week.
i am in fucking pain and a half..
i can*t eat or anything. i can*t even kiss bill good cause it hurts too much.
i want them the fuck out. and i want them out NOW.

ugh. long pointless trip.

August 29, 2001

so me and bill had plans today. he was supposed to be at aaron*s and i was going to drive there after rush hour so we could hang out for a little cause i haven*t seen him since sunday.
i decided to not call him before i left, and to leave at 4pm right after i got off work instead of 630 like usual to surprise him.
he decided to stay in rosedale last night (literally two towns from me) and didn*t call me till about 5pm because he didn*t think i had left yet.
i drove to aaron*s. two hours in rush hour. i was 10 minutes from his house and my cell phone rang and it was bill telling me he was near my house. i told him i had planned on surprising him. i had to drive another hour back to my house. all for nothing. three hours…. for fucking nothing…
when i got home, i hadda go pick him and aaron up and we hung out for like an hour before i hadda drive them to the bus station to go to ali*s house cause she*s coming home from california tonight and aaron wanted to see her.
basically, lack of communication and not calling people fucking sucks. i*m not mad at bill, i*
m not mad at myself, it was just a shitty misunderstanding and now i*m fucking tired and i drove like 3 1/2 hours for no reason and didn*t even get to see him for that long. oh well. even though it wasn*t much, every little bit counts, and i*ll see him friday… i just needed to vent a little.


stupid computers.

August 28, 2001

how come i can post to my journal using the client, but i can*t access my journal because the stupid servers are always down?!?!

and we fight. again.

August 27, 2001

same shit. different day.
i feel horrible physically. i*m exhausted from work. i can barely see straight from all the pain killers i*m on, and he wants to me to drive an hour and a half to rocky point tonight just so i can see him for two hours? yeah… becuase that*s gonna happen. maybe if i was rich and had the money to go out there every day and if it was actually safe to drive when you can*t see the road…
so we had a fight. and he started saying mean stuff, not trying to be mean, but like, it hurt, and i got upset and he got mad and i got mad and we both got mad and now we*re in a fight and my head hurts from these stupid drugs and he told me that i have no life now because all i do is work to pay off my car and i*m not fun anymore because i*m too tired to do things. whatever. i have a job so i can afford my car and so i can take him places and buy him food and drive to go see him. i don*t have a job because i want one. i have a job because i have to have one. he sits around and does nothing with his day, and then he can*t understand why all i want to do when i get home from work is sit down for 5 minutes….
i feel so married.
and i want to do is have him hug me and tell me it*s all better…


August 26, 2001

to all kids in the ny//nj area…
the 7th annual punk rock pot luck picnic is this sunday, september 2nd @ cantiague park on long island in hicksville.
see my website for details (confused youth)
it*s gonna be tons of fun. hope to see many//most//some//all of you there…

"bitches get stitches" – bill & duncan.

August 26, 2001

i got stitches in my gums and it hurrrrrts. i had surgery at 10am its midnight now and this is the first time i*ve felt coherent enough all day to get outta bed and sit up. they gave me laughing gas which really didn*t do much for me except make me cry when he said he was gonna tie off my arm to give me an iv of valium and some hardcore sleeping novacine ish drug. so i cried and he put it in and then i passed out. and my mom was with me and she said the last thing i mumbled before i went to sleep was “i want billy here” cause he was in the waiting room. when i woke up i was in sooo much pain cause they gave me a third injection of novacaine straight into my gums and i felt like my face was not there at all and it was kinda cool cause i kept poking myself and i couldn*t feel it. heh. anyways, they gave me vikatin and stuff and it made me puke so that sucks but whatever. i*m gonna go lie down again cause i have the world*s worst headache. but, i survived, and now it*s ova. saterday night live is on so i shall go be entertained. and billy*s been so good. he*s stayed with me all day, just sleeping and cuddling and not
complaining one bit about doing absolutely nothing other than lying in bed alllll saturday and saturday night. he*s so good to me….

most romantic boy ever.

August 24, 2001

so last night i was falling asleep and bill was cuddling with me in bed cause he stayed over and he*s staying over again tonight and he said that he wished he could rock me to sleep like a little baby and i said hey why not give it a shot so he did and he rocked me and sang to me and then he was like ah fuck this yer too heavy and put me back down on the bed but when he did he +slammed+ my head into the wall and i thought it was the funniest thing ever but he freaked out cause he thought he had really hurt me but i just laughed and laughed becuase i think he*s beautiful and everything he does is beautiful and he could never hurt me and it was just the sweesest gesture ever… he tried…
the end.
ps. today he brought me a flower when he came to meet me at work.

scary scary. scared.

August 24, 2001

i have to go for surgery tomorrow. oral surgery. scary. i*m getting three types of novacaine and will be completely asleep but i*m still all scared and stuff. *wimpers*


August 23, 2001

august 5th @ tompkins square park
i*m so happy when i*m with him…

allen linden and visits to the er.

August 23, 2001

so bill convinced me to drive to rocky point today to drive him back here… it*s an hour and 15 mins to an hour and a half +each way+ and i was exhausted from working two hours overtime every day for the past week and a half… but i still went and didn*t get there until about 8pm. bill was practically dying. hacking up a fricken lung. that boy has the world*s worst asthma… he was really starting to scare me because of how bad he sounded, and he was scared too, because he felt sick as hell. so i drove him back to lynbrook and took him to the emergency room where i had to leave him because it was midnight and i have work and my mom was freaking out and i feel so horrible because i*m so scared and so worried about him and i feel fucking helpless.