Archive for October, 2001

October 21, 2001

so last night it was really late and me and bill and aaron were searching my house to find a video to watch and bill found the tape of my fourth birthday and my first dance recital (when i lived in queens and was about two feet tall) and he insisted on watching it and he sang happy birthday to me when they did on the tape and it was so pathetically cute. home movies rock.



October 21, 2001

i hate being allergic.
friday night at aaron*s i was goin to sleep so bill got me a blanket and it had cat hair all over it and now i*m sick as fuck and miserable and ima go make ramen.
bill just left. my room is empty wifout him =(


October 19, 2001

my dad broke a stink bomb in my room before by accident when i made him take out my broken air conditioner and now my room smells like a rotten egg.

bad things happen in threes….

October 19, 2001

i got a call from aaron this morning. last night him and chuck and atom got in a car accident. they hit a tree doing 65. adam broke his collarbone… aaron was in the back he*s okay just bruised and hurting and stuff. chuck is still in the hospital. he broke his ribs and broke his back. this is what i*ve been told. i*m hoping it*s not as severe because chuck is fucking a great guy and i*m really worried about him. anyways. i gotta go in a minute so ima make this short. my best friend for 10 years alana called me today hysterically crying her mother is throwing her out and her father disowned her. that*s one and two. i*m dreading seeing what three will bring… i sure hope that cliche in the subject isn*t true…

October 18, 2001

i don*t know why i even brought it up… but i did… last night on the phone with bill my sleeping pills were kicking in thus i started talking like a moron and i said some things that i guess i shouldn*t have said… of course it*s been on my mind ever since he came back from arkansas if i had any thing to do with that… if even a little tiny bit of his decision to come back was based on the fact that he missed me. yes it sounds selfish but i don*t care. so i brought that up to him. i told him that it made me feel like absolute shit to always hear him telling people he came back because he waws bored with getting fucked up every day and knew he had to straighten out his life. perfectly good reasons. but never once have i heard him mention to anyone (including to me) that part of the reason he came back was because he missed me. because i missed him like fucking hell. and what*s worse is when i brought this up to him, he didn*t say anything that would confirm it. he still wouldn*t say that a little bit of him coming back had to do with me. and that fucking hurt like you can*t imagine. but, instead of dragging it
on into what would have probably become a fight, i said i had to go and i just went to sleep. i know i know i know it sounds like i*m a selfcentered bitch and i probably am but i don*t care, all i know is that when i asked him about this he still didn*t say that missing me had anything to do with it. so i know now that it didn*t. at all. i know he loves me just as much as i love him, but, it would have been nice to know that he missed me as much as i missed him… i*m babbling. again. and again i can*t put into words what i*m thinking so i did my best to try and bill*s probably going to read this and we*re prolly gonna end up on the phone with my crying like a baby. but whatever. fuck it. i just needed to get it out.

fish farms.

October 17, 2001

so im on the phone with who other than bill and i*m watching my fish swim around and crash into the bowl walls and i*m like man these fish are weird. they wouldn*t eat any of the food i put in there so i*m thinking they*re anorexic or something, which lead me to believe they were abused since they were carnival fish and all which lead me to think i should start a fish farm and go around the country winning carnival fish with ping pong balls and rescuing them from those cardboard boxes they store them in.

ima truck drivah.

October 16, 2001

i just got home from a college fair thingy at my school and there*s this big truck outside my house and i*m like, “wtf” and i go inside and my brother and his friend rob is there it*s rob*s truck from his work and i was like ‘hey rob lemme drive yer truck’ and he*s like nah thats okay but my bro was like hey didn*t you leave the keys in it? and so i ran outside and the keys were in the ignition and i got in and woo i drove a truck today.

aww yea.

October 15, 2001

so about 45 mins before i got outta work my boss asked me to pick her daughter up and drive her home. i was like “uhh i would but i have like zero gas in my car” so she throws me $20 from the register and tells me to fill my tank. and to top it off, it only took 10mins to get her daughter and bring her home, and i still got paid for the extra 30 that i just drove around and went to see my friend and stuff.
i love bill.

October 15, 2001

so i got this cut on my finger on saturday and then me and bill went riding and it got dirty and now its all infected and i cant move my finger.

carnival fish and cowboy butts.

October 14, 2001

i just got home like half an hour ago from bill*s. this weekend was really really, uh, odd. friday night i drove out to patchogue after school at like 230 and picked up aaron and johnny and drove them to fucking brooklyn for their band*s (the toxin) show and stuff and we got lost but the show was okay until it got shut down by cops. that was crappy. cause bills band didn*t get to play so basically i drove like 150 miles outta my way for no reason but whatever, shit happens… anyway, bill came back to my place friday night and we snuggled and i love him and then saturday we spent the day sleepin and then my mom wakes me up and says she wants to go riding cause the weather was just so lovely so i made bill get his ass outta my bed and we went riding and he did soooo good. his little cowboy butt was made for a saddle. he didn*t go any faster than a trot but he loved it and he has a really good seat and was handling himself and the horse really well considering he was ridding a really witchy little horse… motown was his usual self, crazy as all hell. anyways. we came back home and had really good sex then we slept some mor
e and then we woke up at like 10pm and we went to this little half-assed carnival in my town and billy played those games and tried to win me stuff and he did. he won me two goldfish from the pingpong ball thingy and a giant stuffed snake. i love my fish they*re pretty and all they do is swim around this popcorn bowl i put them in all crazylike. haha. and then today i hadda drive him home and we had dinner with his family and watched chasing amy and and and…
i love bill. =D