how true, how true…

“there are moments when i wish i could roll back the clock and take all the sadness away, but i have the feeling that if i did, the joy would be gone as well.” – nicholas sparks.

somebody fucking call me.
or email me.
something.
i*m so incredibly bored that i think i may actually clean my room simply because i have nothing better to do. horrid!

*sigh*

i just got home from the mall *shudders*
i had to go buy new pants b/c bill kinda tore up my favorite ones. *pout*
(in his defense it was an accident, he was drunk and rubbing the top from a beer bottle up and down my leg and my pants just kinda deteriorated)
i got this really rad emo sweater on clearance for like $5 and a pair of pink zebra socks. i also got two new books cause i haven*t read anything half decent in a while.
eh what else. i*m gonna go to the show saturday at chunky*s because a lot of people i haven*t seen in ages are goin and it should be a lot of fun. bill*s band isn*t playing anymore so i*m definite he won*t be there.
still haven*t spoken to him since last friday. not that i care or anything. hah.

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i*ll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour…

so i was wacthing friends last night because i’m a loser like that and it was the one where ross and rachel were on a break and ross slept with the girl from the copy place and rachel found out…
she was devastated. ruined even.
“it’s changed now.
you’re a completely different person to me.
i trusted you to be someone that would never, ever hurt me.”
i’m totally feelin that.
funny how one person can completely destroy another person… emotionally, mentally…
.:shattered:.
he hurt me so severely…
i don’t know if i could ever trust him again.

bill- read this

your mother wants your nebulizer that you left at my house.
i haven*t fixed my car yet so i can*t come out to patchogue.
if you want it come and pick it up.

question

anyone down for a mass suicide…?

horoscope

my horoscope for today (tuesday feb 26th) reads…
“The trick is knowing the difference between past and present and not insisting that the way it once was is a) the way it is now or b) the way it must be. Mustering sufficient faith to leave old baggage and ways of viewing situations behind is admittedly a challenge, but you will undoubtedly rise to it”
bill=baggage?
probably.

oddly enough…

funny how just a couple of nights ago i promised him i*d always be here if he ever wanted to get back together. all he had to do was say the word and i*d be his again.
and now, the trust has not only been broken, but shattered, boot stomped, thrown against the wall and sliced up into a bajillion pieces. and now i don*t know if what i previously said holds true anymore.
i don*t know if i want to be with him anymore, and i don*t know if i ever will.

like the ramones? me too…

have i ever told you,
how good it feels to hold you?
it isn’t easy to explain.
and now i’m really tryin,
i think i may start cryin.
my heart can’t wait another day.
when you kiss me i just gotta,
kiss me i just gotta,
kiss me i just gotta say…
baby i love you…
c’mon baby.
baby i love you.
baby i love,
i love only you.
i can’t live without you.
i love everything about you.
i can’t help it if i feel this way.
oh i’m so glad i found you.
i want my arms around.
i love to hear you call my name.
oh tell me that you feel,
tell me that you feel,
tell me that you feel the same.
baby i love you.
c’mon baby.
baby i love you.
baby i love,
i love only you.
oh i’m so glad i found you.
i want my arms around you.
i love to hear you call my name.
oh tell me that you feel,
tell me that you feel,
tell me that you feel the same.
baby i love you.
oh oh oh oh.
baby i love you…
baby i love you…
baby i love you……
funny how that song means nothing to me anymore…

how ironic

i was remembering tonight how this past summer when bill was leaving for arkansas someone said to me… “if you love someone, let them go. if they come back to you, it was meant to be.” and i did let him go. i let go and he went to arkansas. and he came back. he came back to new york and he came back to me. but what the hell has happened since then? isn*t he like rightfully “mine” now or something? nah not that i*d want it. lol. i just found that sadly funny, sadly ironic, sadly something…