you*ve waited two years to kiss me, please don*t say i love you.

story of the night:
me and gary were kissing, and the ball on my lip ring popped off and flew down my throat and i immediately thought i am NOT losing this thing and i started coughing it up and it worked and it flew outta my throat and it landed on the floor of c-squat and i got it back. woo.
hahaha how fucking funny is that??
so anyways. c-squat was okay. lots boys i ❤ were there. paulie, doug, ian, gay, pj & kleber (!!!), etc etc. so i was chillin outside before the show just waitin for whoever to show up, and fucking gary shows up. dude. that kid rocks. i haven*t seen him in like months b/c i was all with bill and shits and he lives in jersey and we*re both broke as hell and well ah man i hadn*t seen him in ages. i*ve known him like two years and that whole time he*s always had a little crush on me. well. he*s a cutie to say the least, and such an incredible sweet, sensitive, caring affectionate guy. so well one thing lead to another and he kissed me and we spent pretty much the entire night together. holding hands. emo kissing. it was good. he kept telling me how beautiful i am
and what a great person i am blah blah blah and then he gets serious and tells me that he wants to kidnap me and run away to california with me and he wants to seriously marry me and all this crazy stuff and he keeps sayin it “we are so meant to be together, i am going to marry you” and i*m like joking around “haha you so love me” and he*s like “yes, i do.” uhh way for me to be totally at a loss for words at that moment. and he kept telling me he wants to be my boyfriend but i really like not having a boyfriend not being with bill made me realize how much i like NOT being with bill and well i duno i just don*t want a long distance relationship or anything even though jersey isn*t that far. but gary*s planning on moving to philly around the same time i am moving and well, whatever happens happens. ya know? i duno. the show kinda sucked there were WAY too many people and after a couple hours i said fuck it and spent the rest of the night chillin outside with gary and whoever else happened to show up. so. not bad.
anyway, then my night gets shitty. i left to catch the subway to catch my train and i decided i had better take a cab b/c i didn*t wanna miss my train so i spent fucking money on a cab and i rush to penn station and they fucking changed the schedule since last week or something and the next train wasn*t until 2:55am. dude. pissed and a half. so i figure i*ll just take a 1:46 and have my mo
m pick me up in valley stream so she can drive me to my car. well. i ran into my ex from like two years ago, vic, in carusso*s and this other kid i ran into gave me $3 cause i was hungry so i got pizza. that was pointless. so. i took the train to vs and my mom drove me to my car and i get there and my fucking battery is dead. no reason why either. i didn*t leave my lights on, my doors were closed, it just up and died on me. so i hadda jump it and well eh it just sucked. the whole train//battery thing. but whatever. gary made me feel pretty, he made me feel like i mattered, like i wasn*t invisible. so to gary – thank you.
i*m fucking beat. i*m gonna go to sleep.

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