a friend inspired me to actually write what i*m feeling, you know who you are…

i don*t know… i just feel so alone inside. i fucking hate this bullshit made up holiday it makes me sick. i know it*s horrible to say but i get so depressed when i see people that are happy and in love.
fuck love.
fuck it up it*s stupid asshole.
there*s this guy. he*s everything i*ve ever wanted. he amazes me. he*s wonderful. he makes me want to be a better person. he makes me want to explore life and do things i*ve never done. for once i met someone who wants the same things out of life that i do, someone who shares my passions, my dreams, my goals… he just has such a profound impact on me. everything about him, it*s just so amazing to me, because it*s him.
and i hate him for it.
i keep trying to get over him… and trying and trying… and it doesn*t work. i ignore him and try to get him out of my life to make it easier. and it starts happening. i move on. and then he comes back, and my feelings come back just as strong as ever…
and i want him to feel about me the way i feel about him. i want him to know what i see when i look at him, how i feel when i talk to hi
and it just seems like i*m nothing to him.
he says things that are like a knife in my chest, but not on purpose and without realizing what it*s doing to me, becuase he*s oblivious and i*m too scared to tell him, because something inside me keeps saying it*ll never happen…
so fuck you.
and fuck everyone that*s happy.
may i repeat yet again,
…i wish you never happened…

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