Archive for April, 2003

April 30, 2003

i really need drugs.

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April 29, 2003

okay so i*m back to my good old self again.
and it*s about fucking time.
today was pretty all right. i hate mondays. i got some sun between classes, that was nice. hung out with rob tonight. that*s about it.
i sleep now.

April 29, 2003

okay so i*m back to my good old self again.
and it*s about fucking time.
today was pretty all right. i hate mondays. i got some sun between classes, that was nice. hung out with rob tonight. that*s about it.
i sleep now.

yep.

April 27, 2003

i*m famous. i*m gorgeous. you all love me.
not really.
today i got to play on this guys civic and look all shexy and stuff.
i*m very happy.
damn i look good
mmm sexy...
that*s some of the pics. for more, visit http://www.autorush.com and click on models

April 26, 2003

i*m done crying over him.

i fucking ruined it.

April 26, 2003

fuck man i fucking ruined everything. i had one of the best things to ever happen to me in god knows how fucking long and i fucking ruined it.
and im so fucking drunk right now
and miserable
and i don*t know what the fuck to do anymore.
how the hell did i let this happen?!
last week he told me that he took “this girl out to dinner” and that it went “really well” and that “no matter what happens, you*ll always be special to me” okay now excuse me for thinking this but you don*t tell a girl that!! especially the third thing! because what that means is “okay yeah i*ve found someone better than you and i don*t want to tell you that to your face, so, have a nice life, later.” that*s what that fucking means to a girl.
so this whole week i*ve been an absolute mess. i didn*t think i*d care this much. i promised myself i would never care about another guy. but i do. and i did. and i*m a mess. and i hate this. and i hate being angry at him. and i hate that he hurt me even though he said he wouldn*t and that i actually fucking trusted a guy for once. and pe
ople who know me know how hard, almost impossible that is for me to do. but i did. and now i don*t think i*ll be able to again, and that hurts worse than i can describe.
and he*s been mad shady. avoiding me and shit. i*ve only seen him twice and it was for two seconds, i know he saw me, but he didn*t say anything… avoiding me… why?? what the hell did i do??
and tonight i ruined it so bad. i was so fucking upset. but i was *finally* ready to talk to him about it. he had been trying all week to get me to tell him why i was upset. but i couldn*t. and tonight, FINALLY. and i tried to get in touch with him all day. but he was having a family emergency and couldn*t get back to me. but i didn*t know that till i was already very very angry and very pissed and even more hurt.
and like, he fucking called me from the car on his way to god knows fucking where, probably to hang out with that fucking girl that i am upset about in the first place. and as i said before, people who know me, you know how hard it is for me to get angry to the point where i lose control. that never happens. but it did tonight. and i screamed at him and i was absolutely horrible to him. and i couldn*t understand why if he gave a shit like he said he did why couldn*t he fucking take five minutes out of his life to call BEFORE he got in the car? i*m sorry but if we*re going to talk about this and you c
are like you say you do, then i want your full fucking attention, not your half-assed shit.
and we were supposed to go to the DSM shootout at englishtown tomorrow and i had been looking forward to this for months and i was so excited and now that*s not happening becuase we*re not speaking. and he told me last week anyway that “she is going to be there” so whatever, that really sucks. hope you two are very happy together…
i can*t believe how horrible i was to him. i don*t want it to be like this. i*m miserable without his friendship. and i want so bad to call him and to tell him that i*m sorry but i can*t because i*m the most stubborn person in the world and it*s not like i*m the one that took another girl out to dinner anyway. but i told him to take her out. but he told me that he didn*t want to, that i was the only girl he wanted to be with… i guess fucking not.
fuck you.
i*m so fucking angry. and i*m so hurt. and i*m so lost. and i just want him to hold me and tell me it*s okay and that he*s sorry and that everything*s fine and i want him to forgive me for how horrible i was to him tonight but i know that*s never going to happen because i ruined it… i ruined everything….
he*s not even coming home tonight, i don*t know where he is, so it*s not like i could call even if i wanted to…
and i hate being drunk right now because i don
*t want anyone to read this but i don*t know where else to go, everyone*s sick of me being upset over him…

April 25, 2003

i think one of the best thing*s i*ve had in a while is ruined for good…

the ultimate drexel shaft.

April 25, 2003

and to make this day even better…
some kid hanged himself over in north hall tonight…

April 25, 2003

dr. seuss had it so right…
say what you mean and mean what you say. mothafucka.

April 24, 2003

note to self:
when snorting sleeping pills, take two fucking minutes out of your life to remove the coating from the pill. failure to do so will result in a much undesired headache and regret.
fuckin a.