Archive for January, 2004

this is awesome

January 30, 2004
haha omggggg fox is doing a reality-dating-type show with DWARVES!!! i am SOO gonna be watching that

January 26, 2004

another weekend has come and gone…
friday i woke up at 6am because i had a meeting at our other offices and i couldn’t risk being late… i wasn’t. but i did almost fall asleep during the meeting about half a million times… oh well. i got to leave work early since i stayed late on thursday to help out my boss. drove back to the apartment, threw some crap in a bag, and headed out to new york…
so i’m driving up to ny. stuck in traffic on 95. painful traffic. i’m on the phone with steve. damien calls. as i go to pick up call waiting, patrick calls, and my phone answers patrick and bumps off damien. so i’m on the phone with patrick and damien calls back. i answer.
conversation goes as follows:
me: hello?
him: hey, you comin by the shop later?
me: uhhh why
him: well, everyone’s meeting up here before we go to sage and i thought you’d want to come
me: well i’m on my way to sage now
him: okay well everyone’s gonna be here between 7 & 8, i’ll see you then?
me: yeah, sure.
keep in mind he hasn’t called ONCE since sunday, and we speak online briefly every day. that’s it. so by this point i’m figuring “fuck him, he must have only wanted ass, this is pathetic, forget him” so i’m pretty much okay with the fact that he was just using me and i’d most likely never hear from him again and it surprised the absolute shit outta me when he called and said he wanted me to come to the shop)
so i got there at about 730, and a bunch of his friends were there. i wound up hanging out with them instead of him. well, he was working, so it wasn’t a big deal. anyway. we caravan’ed up to sage with about 6 cars all full of people. imagine my surprise when he jumps in the front seat of MY car… but by this point i knew better than to hope for anything… so i just ignored it. whatever.
got to sage around 930. the meet was really good all things considered. the cold and the ice and everything, and a ton of people still showed up. i was pretty happy. patrick showed up 🙂 his first sage meet, i hope he had fun. i wound up sitting between damien and joel. joel was of course flirting with me hardcore and i just tried to ignore it… i’m so not used to that shit that it scares me off when a guy shows interest… i’m fucked up. and damien pretty much ignored me once we got to the diner, which is weird b/c he was flirting with me when we were in the car. so either he’s just an ass, or he
‘s trying to keep things on the DL at sage so nobody knows (b/c that would be the smart thing to do) i don’t know. i don’t care. well, yes i do. i still like him a whole not, but i have to start accepting the fact that hey, it’s not gonna happen… just like i thought…
i left sage around 1230am… drove home, then went to stay at mikey’s. we cuddled and fell asleep. i’m 99% positive he wispered “i love you” in my ear right before i fell asleep, but i was too confused to respond and so i just fell asleep…
he left saturday morning for work but let me sleep in so i could leave whenever i felt like waking up. it was so considerate of him…
slept most of the day, then had a G20 meet up in new rochelle… that was a lot of fun. we played arcade racing games and gokarted (i’d never karted before, it was fun as shit… and it IS possible to drift them! hehe *evilgrin*) i love hangin out with those guys… always a great great time…
saturday i didn’t get home till maybe 1am or so, and went right to bed since sunday morning i *finally* got my car alarm insatlled (viper 791 with remote start! woo!) thanks to hamid and his awesome hookups.
anyway, drove back to philly… i get here, and monica tells me boys are over. keith and his friend ralph to be exact. keith is damien’s friend who came down with him “that night”. him and monica h
it it off. i’m so happy for her, but in honesty, i’m a little jealous… because he really likes her a lot, and well, i’m just gettin shit on… but good for her. she deserves a really good guy. i couldn’t be happier for her.
funny thing is, keith told me that damien always talks about me. but he wouldn’t tell me what he said. i’m sure it wasn’t bad stuff b/c he never would have mentioned it if it was, he said it to try and get a rise outta me, but he wouldn’t tell me a damn thing that he said. and when i mentioned that i had a feeling he was just using me for ass b/c i haven’t heard from him keith asked if i have called him within the past week and i said no because why should i call it’s obvious he doesn’t wanna talk and keith kept trying to convince me that i should call him… maybe he knows something i don’t? maybe damien’s waiting for me to call him? but what if he’s not? i’m gonna look like an idiot. so i’d rather just give up and be miserable than risk feeling like a stalker… oh well.
so what now? i don’t know. i didn’t go to work today b/c my boss told me if it snowed to not bother coming in. it did, so i didn’t. spent the whole day doing nothing, thinking how stupid i was for falling for damien, and wishing that i could just not give a shit. but hey, that’s how my life is. oh well… this is why i refuse to get involved with a guy. because it always turns out like this. so fuck it. great drivers are lonely drivers. i don’t need anyone but my car and the open road…


japanese translations needed!

January 20, 2004

sorry for x-posting but, i was just curious if anyone could give me the english translation and japanese characters for some silly words like “speed, power, racing, drift, slide, etcetcetc” or anything else you can think of… thanks!

yet another update…

January 19, 2004

saturday night, same routine. sittin around hangin out, havin a beer or two.
around 130am, damien calls… we talked for like half an hour and he said that him and some friends were gonna drive down to philly if i wanted them to. i was like uhh well i can’t tell you to come (they were like an hour and a half away) because i’d feel bad making him/them drive all that way, but i can’t say no because i do want to see him. and he’s like okay then i’ll decide for you, we’re coming down.
and they did.
they (damien and two of his friends) got here at like 4am.
we finally fell asleep at like 730am. 😉
woke up at 830am because one of his friends was supposed to go get a bumper from a junkyard for his car but the friend & monica hit it off and they wouldn’t wake up.
so i only got an hour of sleep.
later we went and got kfc for breakfast, haha, it was really good too, who woulda thought? the guy working there looked exactly like 50cent too…
they stayed till about 3pm sunday…
i proceeded to fall the hell a
sleep and i woke up at like 9pm sunday night. haha.
all in all, *fantastic* weekend… i’m really glad damien came down to visit…
who knows where things will go from here, i’m still all confused, but who cares anymore… 🙂

January 17, 2004

at the risk of sounding like an ass,
i *again* retract my previous lj entry. haha.
i went to the phipsi party with monica and greenshirt tonight…
**maddy** brian was there! he asked where you were!
it was a decent party. nothing amazing, but not horrible.
so me and greenshirt and brian split around 130…
me and greenshirt (okay everyone his real name is danny but the greenshirt thing is a long story so unless you were around for it, don’t try to understand it) decided to watch a movie so we grabbed a dvd and went down the hall to his apartment so we could watch it on an actual tv.
well, we get about 30 mins into the movie and my cellphone rings. by now it was 2am and i’m thinkin who the hell is calling me at this time…
i look at the cell phone…. damien.
i answered, and he’s like ‘hiii im drunk my friends are downstairs but i wanted to talk to youuu instead’ and i was like woo! i was a little drunk too so i was all like hiiiii
and yeah. he’s so pritty 😀
anyway, it’s 4:10am right now. we were on the phone for over two hours. i’m very happy right now…
and i feel like a complete ass.


January 16, 2004

okay, ignore my last post.
i know my life well,
and i know that shit like this doesn’t work out for me.
i get excited over a guy,
and it never ever works out.
so i spent today getting over this “thing” for damien.
sucks, but, whatever.
better to get over this little crush and give up now
because i’m gonna have to eventually, so why fucking bother…

i am in a pickle. like whoa.

January 15, 2004

okay so this entry is friends only b/c i don’t exactly want the whole world seeing it…
i have a very very big problem that i don’t know to handle.
and excuse me for sounding girly and highschoolish, but i haven’t liked a guy (like, seriously liked a guy to the degree where i would want to pursue a relationship) in over a year. and yes i am kinda excited/nervous/scared so bear with me while i sound childish…
on the 9th, i met a boy. then i met another. some of you may remember my previous post about going to an importfanatix meet in new york and on the way i stopped to pick up this guy…
so i’ll elaborate and fill in the details by goin back to that day.
i’m driving up to ny through jersey and i’m on route one about to get onto the turnpike. my cellphone rings. it’s a number i didn’t know, and i answered (which is something i usually don’t do) and the guy’s like hey it’s damien from ifx blah blah blah i can’t go to the meet tonight b/c i can’t take my car. so trying to be nice i offered to pick him up if
he could get a ride home, you know, again, something i don’t do, but i was just tryin to be polite… i figured, what’s the worst that could happen?
so i get to his shop to pick him up, he comes outside, and holy crap. this guy is gorgeous. seriously. most beautiful blue eyes i’ve ever seen. i think to myself ‘man i’m happy i answered that call… haha’
so we hung out for like an hour before he could leave work. it was busy though so we didn’t get to talk too much. then on the drive up to ny we talked the whole way but i was concentrating on driving b/c people in ny/nj drive like fools and i wanted to make sure baby was safe.
we get to sage and this other guy joel was there who i had been speaking to on the forums for a while. he was cute too, and he immediately ‘claims’ me so-to-speak. arm around the waist, not leavin my side, the whole bit. but it was sweet, cause he’s really nice and he’s cute and honestly i didn’t think i had a chance in the world with damien, so whatever.
we go inside after like an hour of chillin outside lookin at the cars and hanging out, and i go to sit down near damien so we could talk more, and joel cockblocked me (haha) by sitting down kinda far from damien and pulling the chair out for me. i sit, and the arm is back around me. but seriously, i thought i didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell so i said hey, what the hell, this guy seems great, i may as w
ell get to know him better.
after dinner we all went back out to the parking lot (and by we all i mean about 30+ people) to hang out some more in the negative 10* temperatures… so around midnight we all decided to split.
i gave damien a hug goodbye and a kiss on the cheek which is normal goodbye-saying in ny, and i didn’t realize till it was too late that he was aiming for somewhere other than my check if you all know what i’m sayin… i was kinda stunned to say the least. then, the same thing happened with joel. so of course i’m thinking to myself what the hell is going on…
saturday night rolls around, and it’s frank from ifx’s surprise birthday party. joel calls me up and wants to know if i wanna go with him. so of course i agree, and i had a really great time. after, they were all going out to a bar but i had wanted to go racing with some friends so we said our goodbyes. joel kissed me. i wasn’t expecting it. but i didn’t stop him either since i figured it was a no-go with damien.
sunday i’m back in philly and joel calls and says he had a really great time blah blah blah and wants to hang out again. i’m cool with that, but i can tell he’s kinda pushing for something to happen with “us” as in the terms of me+him=us. but i duno, cause seriously, i don’t wanna jump into anything… so i tried to disarm that timebomb as best as i could.
well. since frida
y, me and damien have been talking online a lot while we’re at work. he calls me about once a day just to say hey what’s up etc etc. i really enjoy talking to him. he’s awesome. i immediately felt comfortable with him which is very rare for me, especially with a guy i just met.
so of course, since we’ve been speaking a *lot*, i got excited about hey maybe i do have a chance with him…
yesterday evening (thursday), he calls me up and says that he’s going to be down in philly later that night b/c he has to give the kid who bought his s13 the title and whatnot… he asks if it would be all right if he stopped by my place for a little. i said sure that’d be fine with me…
he got here around 8pm. he was with his friend who had driven him down. oh my *god* did he look good. (damien, not his friend, lol) i was tryin sooo hard not to be obvious b/c i’m scared of boys hurting my head so i just try as best as i can to not look like a jerk. so we hung out for like an hour, and it was a little weird since his friend was there and monica was there and it was just umm yeah the second time we had ever even met… whatever.
so they left at 9 to go drop off the title and i walked them downstairs and i’m thinking to myself ‘well that was fun, but oh well, he didn’t seem interested, fuck it…’
so i hug him goodbye expecting that to be the last of it, and he kisses me…
like, a *real* kiss.
an amazing kiss.
an incredible kiss.
i haven’t felt that in years..
after speaking with some of my friends, they all say ‘go for it, he’s obviously interested!’ b/c he if he’s real busy and won’t be around much that day he’ll call me or send me a pm on ifx to let me know. real considerate type stuff.
but here’s the problem:
joel really likes me.
i really like damien.
i’m too scared to make a move with damien because i don’t want to look silly/desperate/pathetic.
i’m too unconfident in myself to realize whether or not there is a potential anything there with damien.
friday (the 23rd) there is another ifx meet in new york that i will be attending.
damien and joel will be there as well. yes, *both* of them.
joel doesn’t know i like damien.
damien doesn’t know joel’s diggin me…
what the HELL do i do??
i want to see what happens w/damien because i reaaaallly do like him, but at the same time, i don’t want to be a bitch to joel…
the problem is they both are members of the same forum so they do speak and they have met and they’re usually at all the same events…
so IF anything happens with either of them, it’s gonna be really awkward for me to be around the both of them…
does that make any sense?
i wanna see damien again before the 23rd, but i’m t
oo lame-o to actually tell him that…
i guess only time will figure this one out, but until then,
what do you guys suggest i do so that 1) i don’t hurt joel and make myself look like a horrible bitch, and 2) i have a chance with damien…

snow day!

January 15, 2004

wednesday, my boss said:
“if i see one snow flake tomorrow morning, i’m not coming in. and i expect you to do the same”
i woke up this morning, looked out the window, saw it was snowing, saw the roads looked like crap, and i said fuck this and went back to bed 😀
i did nothing but lay in bed ALL day. it was great.
and i put on my timesheet that i “worked from home” at my bosses suggestion so i still get paid for the whole day. woo!


January 14, 2004

sorry for x-posting but i need help!
my new project car….
s13 w/r32 front end….
s13 hatch or coupe?
i like the hatch b/c i could do the kouki tails.
i like the couple b/c i think it would match the skyline better.
i’m leaning towards coupe, but i want to hear everyone elses opinion…

January 13, 2004

haha so the guy in the cube next to me is on the phone selling networking stuff to some place and i hear him go “so this is Nassau County Medical Center, correct?” and i’m like hahaha my brother got sent away/locked up there twice it’s right by where i live in new york. what a coincidence. =P