another weekend has come and gone…
friday i woke up at 6am because i had a meeting at our other offices and i couldn’t risk being late… i wasn’t. but i did almost fall asleep during the meeting about half a million times… oh well. i got to leave work early since i stayed late on thursday to help out my boss. drove back to the apartment, threw some crap in a bag, and headed out to new york…
so i’m driving up to ny. stuck in traffic on 95. painful traffic. i’m on the phone with steve. damien calls. as i go to pick up call waiting, patrick calls, and my phone answers patrick and bumps off damien. so i’m on the phone with patrick and damien calls back. i answer.
conversation goes as follows:
me: hello?
him: hey, you comin by the shop later?
me: uhhh why
him: well, everyone’s meeting up here before we go to sage and i thought you’d want to come
me: well i’m on my way to sage now
him: okay well everyone’s gonna be here between 7 & 8, i’ll see you then?
me: yeah, sure.
*click*
(
keep in mind he hasn’t called ONCE since sunday, and we speak online briefly every day. that’s it. so by this point i’m figuring “fuck him, he must have only wanted ass, this is pathetic, forget him” so i’m pretty much okay with the fact that he was just using me and i’d most likely never hear from him again and it surprised the absolute shit outta me when he called and said he wanted me to come to the shop)
so i got there at about 730, and a bunch of his friends were there. i wound up hanging out with them instead of him. well, he was working, so it wasn’t a big deal. anyway. we caravan’ed up to sage with about 6 cars all full of people. imagine my surprise when he jumps in the front seat of MY car… but by this point i knew better than to hope for anything… so i just ignored it. whatever.
got to sage around 930. the meet was really good all things considered. the cold and the ice and everything, and a ton of people still showed up. i was pretty happy. patrick showed up 🙂 his first sage meet, i hope he had fun. i wound up sitting between damien and joel. joel was of course flirting with me hardcore and i just tried to ignore it… i’m so not used to that shit that it scares me off when a guy shows interest… i’m fucked up. and damien pretty much ignored me once we got to the diner, which is weird b/c he was flirting with me when we were in the car. so either he’s just an ass, or he
‘s trying to keep things on the DL at sage so nobody knows (b/c that would be the smart thing to do) i don’t know. i don’t care. well, yes i do. i still like him a whole not, but i have to start accepting the fact that hey, it’s not gonna happen… just like i thought…
i left sage around 1230am… drove home, then went to stay at mikey’s. we cuddled and fell asleep. i’m 99% positive he wispered “i love you” in my ear right before i fell asleep, but i was too confused to respond and so i just fell asleep…
he left saturday morning for work but let me sleep in so i could leave whenever i felt like waking up. it was so considerate of him…
slept most of the day, then had a G20 meet up in new rochelle… that was a lot of fun. we played arcade racing games and gokarted (i’d never karted before, it was fun as shit… and it IS possible to drift them! hehe *evilgrin*) i love hangin out with those guys… always a great great time…
saturday i didn’t get home till maybe 1am or so, and went right to bed since sunday morning i *finally* got my car alarm insatlled (viper 791 with remote start! woo!) thanks to hamid and his awesome hookups.
anyway, drove back to philly… i get here, and monica tells me boys are over. keith and his friend ralph to be exact. keith is damien’s friend who came down with him “that night”. him and monica h
it it off. i’m so happy for her, but in honesty, i’m a little jealous… because he really likes her a lot, and well, i’m just gettin shit on… but good for her. she deserves a really good guy. i couldn’t be happier for her.
funny thing is, keith told me that damien always talks about me. but he wouldn’t tell me what he said. i’m sure it wasn’t bad stuff b/c he never would have mentioned it if it was, he said it to try and get a rise outta me, but he wouldn’t tell me a damn thing that he said. and when i mentioned that i had a feeling he was just using me for ass b/c i haven’t heard from him keith asked if i have called him within the past week and i said no because why should i call it’s obvious he doesn’t wanna talk and keith kept trying to convince me that i should call him… maybe he knows something i don’t? maybe damien’s waiting for me to call him? but what if he’s not? i’m gonna look like an idiot. so i’d rather just give up and be miserable than risk feeling like a stalker… oh well.
so what now? i don’t know. i didn’t go to work today b/c my boss told me if it snowed to not bother coming in. it did, so i didn’t. spent the whole day doing nothing, thinking how stupid i was for falling for damien, and wishing that i could just not give a shit. but hey, that’s how my life is. oh well… this is why i refuse to get involved with a guy. because it always turns out like this. so fuck it. great drivers are lonely drivers. i don’t need anyone but my car and the open road…

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