to all the happy couples out there – fuck you

to all the happy couples out there – fuck you
yeah valentine’s day can suck my big ass. twice.
slept a lot on saturday. sat around doing absolutely lazy. then my friend steve and i came ot the conclusion that since his parents were away it would be a good idea to have a dgtrials/ifx anti-valentine’s day party at his house in jersey…
so he’s talking to damien and shit tellin him about the party and damien asked if i was going and i said i wasn’t sure and so he called me later to ask if i had decided yet and i said yes i was going to go but i hadn’t actually admitted it yet since it was kinda far and he’s like oh i want to go but i don’t think i’m going to b/c i don’t have a ride so i was trying to be nice and i was like okay do you want me to pick you up and he said yes and so i drove to edison.
so i drive to pick him up blah blah blah [begin stupid girly moment] he’s so cute. i ❤ his eyes. they are clear ice blue. i don’t know what it is about him, but when i’m around him, i just want to be near
him. something about him makes me want to snuggle him. and when he sings to me & plays guitar, i melt. [/end stupid girly moment] so we met up with some of his friends and had to go to pick up this stupid 16y/o girl that dan liked. anyway, pitstops done, on to the party.
i hadn’t eaten anything at all the whole day so i got really drunk pretty quick. at one point we decided it would be fun to try and run across steve’s pool which was covered in ice. yeah. it started cracking. i fell (i blamed the snow, but it was b/c i was drunk haha) and got a bruise on my knee. justin and me were play fighting (i love to playfight when i’m drunk) and he grabbed my arms and cracked my back realllly bad and i wound up in a heap on the floor for 1/2 an hour b/c i couldn’t move. shittay.
we left the party maybe 2am or so b/c i had to drive the 16y/o home. i had stopped drinking before then so i could sober up and was perfectly fine. i’d never drive drunk. so after dropping the girl and dan off, me and damien went back to his place at like 230am.
the whole drive back he was bein a jerk (not in a bad way, a jerk in the i’m-drunk-so-i’m-gonna-be-silly way), and i was joking back with him and i said something like ‘fuck you dude’ in response to something he had said and he’s like, ‘oh we will, all night. damnit i just said that outloud’ i couldn’t help but laugh and call him an ass
to which he responds ‘fine then you’re sleeping on the couch’ and i was like fuck that dude i’ll just go back to philly and he got all upset. aww.
anyway. so i’m changing for bed and he’s like what are you doing and i’m like um getting comfortable so i can sleep and he’s like why bother putting on clothes when you’re just going to wind up naked in two seconds anyway. my response? yeah, good point. haha. so there was much kissing, and much sex. reeallly good sex. wild drunken loud hot long sex. fun 😀 and after there was cuddling and spooning and sleeping. but he was snoreing b/c he didn’t feel well and so he slept but i didn’t. damnit. oh well.
we woke up at like 10am b/c he wanted to work on his motor but it was 12* outside so i said have fun i’m outta here and i left. came back to philly and slept the rest of the day.
things are still really confusing with him. i like him so much i reaaally do as much as i try to convince myself that i don’t. but i’m too scared to say anything to him b/c i’m scared of getting shot down… i suck at life 😦

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