i forgot to mention two of the funniest quotes from this past weekend…
while driving to the meetspot friday night from ifx, maddy confided in me that she used to think that krispy kreme used real donuts in their smoothies… she’s smrt 🙂
and also while driving, at one point, i swerved left to avoid this bigass pothole, and she thought i was going to swerve into oncoming traffic and after she says “my life flashed before my eyes, i thought we were going to die. the sad thing is, it was blank!!!”
haha i love my girl ❤

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a much needed update to fill the gaps between now and then…
since i had finished classes thursday, i had to go in to work at unisys on friday. it sucks waking up at 5am for work but it was my last day there so i can’t complain. i finished up my work, submitted my last timesheet, and then my boss and coworkers took me out to a really nice lunch. i ❤ free food. it was kinda sad saying goodbye to all of them, considering i had been there for a year and they were all so good to me. i’ll miss them, but it’s time to move on…
after i got home from work, i had to drive to ny for joy’s wedding. maddy was going to be my ‘date’ to the wedding so i wouldn’t have to sit with some guy and think about how lonely i am but instead we could bash on happy people together 😀 tom said he needed an escape from philly for a while so he took the drive up too. what’s weird is lauren palmieri had called me and said she was in philly and asked if i could please give her a ride to ny for the wedding. i hadn’t seen or heard from lauren in about three years (we went to highschool together an
d were really good friends but lost touch due to circumstance) and we had recently gotten in touch again a few weeks ago. so i drove down to souffilly to pick her up and i was SO glad to see her! we had a really good drive up to ny talkin and catching up on the past three years…
anyway, got back to ny around 9, dropped lauren off, then went to my mom’s place because she had actually cooked dinner for once. so me and maddy and tom and patrick (he showed up for the food, smart boy) ate dinner sitting on my mom’s smaller than hell living room floor and playing with puppy. mmm. food. damnit i am such a fucking fatass.
after that i got a call from the ifx guys since they were doing a small meet the town over from where i was and we went down there to hang out and kick it and i’m glad i got to see my boys i really ❤ them they’re all special and yes i do mean it like that 😉 heh. a while later a race was set up between a blown stang and a supercharged s2k so we all went down to this spot and the stang took it easily it seemed like the stook wasn’t trying at all and he totally got beat really bad but eh it was fun.
tom left ny around 1230am since he had to drive back to philly and me and maddy had to get to bed early for the wedding…
next morning we woke up and got dressed (yes. me in a dress. WTF. but i looked HOTTT 😀 ) and drove to the church and it was really REALLY weir
d seeing joy, my girl, one of my best friends since the 3rd grade, getting married… it was good to see her family and her parents who i hadn’t seen in years and of course she looked BEAUTIFUL but that’s joy, she’s always beautiful. the wedding ceremony itself was very very nice and i was trying so hard the whole time to not start crying like a baby…
after the wedding when we were walking out of the church to take pictures and whatnot, i ran into none other than kevin! he was back from ireland and holy shit i was sooo shocked to see him! it was like the highschool reunion of people i *actually* cared about weekend 🙂
so after the wedding we went over to the sandcastle for the reception and this is where i got really REALLY heated…
they only have valet parking.
i don’t want a valet driving my car. if you don’t know my car, it’s very hard to drive for the first time.
so i tell the guy, listen, this car is hard to drive, i’d prefer it if i parked it myself. but of course dickface gives me an attitude and says no so i say look, you’re not going to be able to drive this car, i NEED to park it MYSELF. so he started giving me more attitude and finally i’m like fine fuck it whatever i can’t make a scene it’s joy’s day.
so i get out, and he gets in
he puts it in first gear
STALLS IT
starts it up, tries again
STALLS IT
starts it up again, revs it t
o like 4krpm, and slowly lets out the clutch, finally dropping it at the end and almost breaking my tranny as he gets the car to move.
i was LIVID.
but at least he embarassed the shit out of himself and i proved him wrong. haha stupid fucking valet.
the reception was lovely, absolutely beautiful. i had a really good time catching up with some old friends and making fun of other people with maddy (she knows who i am talking about. “OMG I’m SO Hamm’ed!” shoot me. long island blows. but joy’s husband, frank, is apparently a really nice guy so i’m very very happy for her.
i caught the bouquet.
thank god, i need all the help i can get…
it was over about 6pm so after saying goodbye to joy and her family and her new hubby, i go outside to try and get my car back from the valet. of course the guy that was taking the slips was the guy that fucked up my car and he wouldn’t even make eye contact with me so finally after i got sick of standing there being ignored i walked over and i was like EXCUSE me i want my keys back so i can go get MY car. so someone else gets my keys and i see him walking towards my car and so i run after him and grab the keys and i was like you are NOT driving my car, thankyouveryfuckingmuch. man i was so pissed. SO pissed. i wanted to stab someone. but oh well… that’s life. at least i didn’t have to tip the fucktard 😉
drove up to lia%2
7s barn after the reception was over because maddy wanted to play with baby goats and aww they were sooo cute. got to play with baby horses too. i love lia & wayne’s. their place is so wonderful. not to mention the two of them are incredibly wonderful as well. best godparents EVAR.
after that we drove back to philly… it was fun, a lot of cars messed with me on the way back but in a good way, not in a stupid fuckingaroundonthehighway way. it was fun. i enjoy my car so much when i’m not scared of it going boom…
got back to philly around 1145, did some studying, some kickin it with friends, and some sleeping
had my japanese final on sunday. i thought i was gonna not do well. and i didn’t do well. not at all. but somehow i managed to get an A which means i get an A for the course which is *awesome* cause i don’t know how the hell i pulled that off but all that matters is i did…
monday i had my accounting final which i didn’t study for and it was really hard but i don’t give a shit because i only needed 35% (6 outta 17 right) in order to get an A for the course so i’m pretty much guarenteed an A in that class too. that’s a lot of weight off my shoulders.
spent all of last night writing a 10 page final paper for my sociology class, i didn’t get to bed until about 5am… but that’s done. so two finals and one paper down, one final and one more paper to go. i think
i can manage.
things have been going really well lately.
other than jerkface not speaking to me and being really mean, the boys have been good to me…
just sucks i hate having to refer to him in the past tense.
i know why he’s not speaking to me. i know exactly why. and it makes me really angry, but i can’t do anything about it because i care about him SO fucking much that i am willing to make myself miserable so that he can be happy…
and if me completely disappearing and cutting him out of my life is what it takes so that he can be happy, then i will do it. because he really means that much to me…
very complicated situation but i’d rather not go into it as it’s nobody’s business.
however, i’ve got a date tomorrow night with this really cute guy and i’m sure i’ll have a really good time.
friday i am leaving for ny.
hopefully my motor comes in soon so i can order parts
then i leave for cali…
i can’t wait to never look back…

how true…

know what’s funny?
i’ll tell you.
someone who says you’re their best friend and that they care about you oh-so-much, but they can’t talk to you/call you or anything because they’re too busy, then you see that person drive by with a friend in the car behind them at 11pm on a thursday night. here’s the best part: i know he saw me. he looked right at me.
i think that’s funny as hell.
but why is that funny?
because obviously none of the stuff they said previously meant a damn fucking thing.
‘oh im so busy, i don’t have time to talk to you, but i can go out and hang out with every single other person on the planet, but no, i can’t even call to say hello’
i find that very funny.
kiss my fucking ass, i’m done with this shit.
want to change my mind? you know where to find me

Thursday, 330pm… i am DONE with classes for SIX months!!!!!
granted, i still have finals to take sunday and next week but i am done Done DONE!
tomorrow i have my *last* day of work at unisys (year long co-op… hrmmm how did that happen??) and afterwards i am driving to new york with maddy… saturday i have the wedding, then i drive back to philly. sunday is my japanese final, then i have my social final paper due, econ and acct finals, and that’s IT! then that following friday i move to new york for another week or two before leaving for califoniA 😀
…still haven’t figured out how i’m getting out there yet though. i should probably do that soon, but my past full of procrastination tells me i probably won’t. haha

this conversation took place this morning as i was leaving for class and i ran into john on my way out
john: ….you only live once, you have to live for the moment
me: but why do today what i can do tomorrow? procrastinating never hurt anyone
john: there’s no guarentee you’ll live to see ‘tomorrow’
me: i’ll bet my life that i will live till tomorrow 😉
yeah, that’s the kind of intelligence that comes out of my mouth daily… john thanks for being there to instigate such thinking or lack thereof 😀

two old phrases of wisdom…
“if you love someone, let them go. and if they come back, it’s meant to be”
well that one i have already proved wrong…
“if you love someone, you should fight for them as if your life depended on it”
but there’s only so much a person can do…
before all this happened, he told me to go out on a limb. and a fuck lot of good that did.
i can’t keep trying, it can’t always be me fighting for us.
i want more than anything just to sit and talk and get everything straight, but i can’t force him to do that…
if there is going to be any sort of friendship between us, it’s got to be his choice.
the ball is 110% in his court.
instead, i am moving on, but there will always be that hope that one day, he will be in my life again…

i think i figured it out
before this happened, i remember him saying something about how ‘it would be easier for both of us’ if i left while we were on bad terms or if i was angry or something. i tried to explain to him that that is a bad idea and that it would actually make things worse… and that i did NOT want to leave on bad terms.
but it looks like he is going with the origional plan… i wish it wasn’t this way. what i can’t figure out however is, i’m not mad at him at all, and i have absolutely no animosity towards him…
i can deal with missing him and i can deal with the pain of losing my best friend, all i want is for him to be truely happy…

i really need to get my seats… but they’re at his house, and he wants absolutely nothing to do with me, and i’m sure as hell not going to call him… this whole situation fucking sucks…

got a lot accomplished this weekend. hung out with maddy friday and of course had painful amounts of fun. saturday i kicked it with amy all day. i got some new jeans which i needed desperately as i was down to only two pairs that were both so incredibly threadbare they are practically nonexistant, as well as a dress for joy’s wedding next weekend. today i spent most of the day packing stuff to go into storage while i’ll be in california and getting rid of unnecessary things…
one more week of classes, then finals, then i go back to new york and hopefully get my car running well, then it’s off to california… man i can’t wait.