Archive for March, 2005

March 30, 2005

17 more days…
…the countdown begins
april 16th, Formula D – get to see a bunch of my friends who i haven’t seen in ages thanks to geography sucking, as well as spend some time with da boyfriend
april 17th, finally legal to drink. nijuu-ichi

March 27, 2005

i got into philadelphia at 530pm last night… and i’m missing erik like crazy already.
i don’t have a problem with long distance relationships, but this is really starting to hurt because i want to be near him to cuddle and be in his arms and i can’t.
i’ll survive, but i’m absolutely miserable.
i forgot to mention that when he picked me up at the airport on wednesday, i was waiting at the baggage claim, sweaty as hell from the flight and hauling my crap, standing there an absolute disgusting mess, and just as i text him to let him know i landed, i get a message from him…
“turn around”
so i do, and he’s standing there with open arms ready to pick me up and kiss me.
it was SO incredibly romantic
after my last entry on friday, he came home, exhausted because i had tired him out from all the humping, and we took a quick nap. he’d been getting progressively more and more cuddly throughout my stay, which i was happy as hell about. then we went out to the “date” he had been planning…
we went to fernbank, atlanta’s museum of natural
they had this beautiful fancy cocktail and dinner thing and a live romantic-type band right underneath these huge dinosaur displays, really really cool in a geeky romantic way, which i love.
so we had some beers and some drinks and i hadn’t eaten a single thing *all* day and neither had he so we both got pretty drunk (haha i got smashed at the museum!) and then had dinner. it was really good, and it was nice being out on a real date with him. after dinner we had some more drinks and bought tickets to the imax, but had about 40 minutes to kill before it started, so we went for a walk, and there was this beautiful balcony right by where they had the bar so we went out and the moon was full and bright and it was in the middle of the woods and it was just so incredibly beautiful… so we went behind some trees and had sex.
sex at the atlanta museum of natural history.
so good.
but it was good mostly because of who it was with, not where…
afterwards we went to see the imax, cuddled during the whole thing, i was so happy…
we left the museum around 10, back to the apt, took another short nap because we were both so stuffed, then went to meet up with eugene and dennis from DGTrials (some of his very very close/best friends who i’ve never met) at this cool place Central City Tavern. we hung out there till about 230am, it was nice meeting his friends, i got along with the
m pretty well, but i was just happy he introduced me to his ‘boys’.
back to the apartment for a shower and some fun, then some sex and sleep.
but i couldn’t sleep
so around 4am i woke him up with more sex
finally went back to sleep around 5am
we slept late, woke up, had more sex, then went out to breakfast at this really cute, eclectic little diner.
after breakfast he drove me to the airport… he walked me to security, held me tight and kissed me goodbye…
i didn’t cry this time because i know i’ll see him in a few weeks, but oh man i really truely know the definition of “heartache” now.
anyway, i just wanted to recap the last few days i spent with him for my own note-taking ocd.
i had so much fun with him, i really enjoy being around him, and i am so glad that we finally got to spend some quality alone-time together, although it wasn’t much, it really meant a whole lot to me… i know i’ve said it a million times, but it just feels so right with him.
only 19 more days till i see him again…


March 27, 2005

has anyone ever seen that episode of friends where they’re all sitting around talking about the strangest/most random places people have had sex and rachel’s was ‘at the foot of the bed’?
i will never be that girl.
because i totally had sex at the atlanta museum of natural history

March 27, 2005

i had a first last night.
i said NO to hotrob.
apparently he got word i was back in philly and called me at 2am wanting to “hang out”
meaning, have our old kind of fun
i told him nope sorry, no can do, i have a boyfriend and i don’t want to be with anyone else nor do i want to mess things up with him
he got pissed off.
i’ve never said no to him for anyone.
but this time it was so easy.
and i honestly didn’t have any desire to be with him.
i’d say i’m surprised at myself, but i’m not. not at all.

March 25, 2005

erik is incredible.
just something about being with him makes me SO happy.
he’s lovely.
we had so much sex last night, and it was wonderful.
first we went out to dinner at this place fat matt’s rib shack, i don’t particularly like bbq, but for him, i am willing to try new food, which i won’t do for anyone (i actually ate potstickers the other night for him… pork. me. wtf) it wasn’t too bad, i survived 🙂 after we went for icecream and omgg i ate so much i almost got sick, but it was great cause he grossed out as much as i did. hehe.
after that we came home
took a shower
had sex in the shower
decided to go kick it in the hottub
had sex in the hottub
decided to go back inside after a while
and had sex for another two hours or so.
he’s very very talented in bed 😉
rob was great, hell rob was amazing, but he never mixed it up, it was always the same stuff time after time
but erik,
erik changes it up, he is full of surprises
i like surprises.
we fell asleep in eachother’s
arms again
i love cuddling him
he’s absolutely beautiful
i don’t want to leave here. i really don’t. i fly back to philadelphia tomorrow. it’s too quick. i’m so happy with him. i don’t want this to end. i’m really scared that it will, although i don’t think it will anytime soon. he’s mentioned several times now that he plans on sticking around for a while, which makes me a really happy.
but we just don’t really get to spend enough time together for him to get the full “me”. and if he did, i wouldn’t have to worry about him leaving. cause you can’t help but fall in love with me once you get to know me 😉
who knows… i just wish that he’d hurry up and realize me + him = for good.
it’s crazy that i am thinking all this so soon, i mean, i’ve known him for a year, we’ve only been together a few months, but somehow, it just feels so damn right.
ever since i first saw him back at beaverun, i had no idea who the hell he even was, but something inside me just clicked and said “ainsley, that’s him, that’s the one”
he’ll be home from work in a few hours, we’re going out tonight, he’s taking me somewhere but he won’t say where, nothing special, but he said it’ll be fun. i like us actually going out on dates. i like spending time with him, just us, i like him.
i am just scared
scared he will get bored
or find someon
e better
or because of the distance thing we won’t spend enough time together for him to realize that i rock at life and it’ll fizzle out
but if it’s meant to be, it’ll be.
i’ll see him again at formula d on april 16. my 21st birthday is the next day, i want to spend it with him, but i don’t know if that’s going to happen… i want to bring it up, but i don’t want to sound desperate or clingy. who knows. maybe i will mention it to him.
the other night, we were laying in bed, and i was going to ask him if he could wear the DG shirt he gave me so it’d smell like him, so i was like “erik, i have to ask you something really cheesy and silly, promise not to hate me okay?” and he’s like, “you’re not going to say a four letter word are you?” and so i’m like “what, the L word? no i wasn’t going to say that, but thanks for panicking and freaking out thinking i was” 😦 which made me sad. cause yes i do L him, but now i know for sure he doesn’t even slightly feel that way in return. yet. yet? i hope. it made me sad though. not that i was going to say it, i don’t want to freak him out/scare him off, but it suuuucks knowing that he really didn’t want me to even be thinking it. sad…
anyway, i’m just keeping my fingers crossed and trying really hard not to fuck this up…

somewhere between here and there

March 24, 2005

i slept so well last night, better than i can remember in a long time… went to bed around 1230, but to me it was more like 930pm from the jetlag, and i didn’t even have to take any sleeping pills. i was just so comfortable and happy that i fell *right* aslep, no crappy waiting period between closing my eyes and actual unconsciousness. it was so lovely. i never thought that’d be possible for me… well, at least i know that there is a cure for my insomnia now, and he’s damn cute 😉
i am freezing my ass off right now, who’d have thought a basement apartment in atlanta would be so brutally cold?
i arrived last night, tired and sweaty from a long, long flight with turbulence so bad i actually started making mental lists of things i regret not having done or said… but i got here safely, that’s all that matters. one more flight before philly… kinda reminds me of that song “i went from phoenix arizona all the way to tacoma. philadelphia, atlanta, la” except i did that last part in reverse. ha. and i’ve been to phoenix. twice in one week. just never tacoma. moving on….%0
so this past weekend was nopi phoenix, as i mentioned earlier.
it was awesome.
a weekend of fast cars, booze, great people and sun.
what could be better?
i decided it would be best to trailer my car the 800-mile roundtrip since i am running really low on cash lately (first month’s rent due in philly in a few days and my bank account balance is “yeah right”) and couldn’t afford the oil it’d burn driving so far… so steve from work said he’d gladly whore out his truck and trailer to me, just not in those exact words 😉
the trailer, to put it nicely, was slightly on the ghetto side.
consequently, my car has now been dubbed the “trailer trash queen”. greeeeaat. ha.
since we live in la, we hit ridiculous traffic on the way out, 75 miles in just under four hours. watch out speed racer! we got in to phoenix at around 230am local time. i got to split the driving with steve which was fun since i’ve never trailered before. my only regret? not bringing a trucker hat with me for added authenticity. damnit.
anthony drove the gay16turbo out too, i felt bad since steve and i at least had eachother for company and he only had the turbospool… what a long drive.
we wound up crashing the night at my buddy jon’s apartment in chandler, but since i am an idiot i didn’t ask if he had pets, and he did, and i am deathly allergic to kitties, i conseque
ntly spent the entire night debating whether or not i should bash my head into the wall just so i could pass out and get some sleep. but i was too sick to get up the energy to do it. oh well.
saturday morning woke up bright and early, me a coughing sniffling mess of pure suffering, and drove to the local diy carwash. i hadn’t washed my car in months, my rims were almost black from brakedust, and all the rain from the previous night being on the trailer really did a number on my girl… so i’m washing, and these two s14a’s show up, and this one guy keeps staring at my car, so later i walk over just to say hi and we get to talking and he was pretty cute, nice guy, actually knew what he was talking about (had a quick discussion about turbine a/rs) etc etc and out of nowhere he’s like so uh can i have your phone number? i made some lame comment about philadelphia long distance blah blah cause i didn’t want to be rude, but 5 minutes later he asks again, so i again divert the conversation. at that point, steve and anthony and jon and mike come walking over, so this guy’s like ‘oh are you hanging out with any of these guys?’ hanging out? um? ‘no, like, are you seeing any of them’ so i’m like if by hanging out and seeing do you mean dating then no, but i do have a boyfriend. his response? ‘oh i uh was uh asking for your number for my friend!’ real smooth buddy, real smooth… actually ran int
o him at the show later that day where he introduced me to his girlfriend. yep. i found that situation funny as hell too 😉
so the event was a lot of fun. minus the part where i pulled my plug wires to clean in the valley and one of them ripped it’s insides out and stuck to the plug and me getting pissed because i couldn’t afford a new wire. but i am fortunate because i have my own personal pitcrew. i walked over to the garrett hauler to borrow some pliers from bothwell in a desperate attempt to ghettorig the wire, and steve made me a whole new one from scratch in under 5 minutes. i ❤ our race team. speaking of, they kicked butt as usual, petunia was her beautiful blindingly fast self, and we qualified in the number one spot each round. sweeeeet.
that night we all went out to dinner with some other guys, it was fun but i still felt like crap. then to the hotel room so graciously supplied by garrett as a sort-of “going away present” to party it up for the rest of the night.
sunday was pretty much an exact duplicate of saturday, hanging out, partying, general racousness.
garrett won the pro 4cyl class, just edging out gardella in the finals. haha bring it on nj!! but it was a great race, we were the only pro4cyl to be in the 7s that weekend, three times even. everyone was so happy, it was wonderful. what a great way to start the season.
other highlights from the weekend
my car winning 1st place infiniti and 2nd place nopi chic (ha!)
meeting/hanging out with all the nico guys, they sure know how to have a good time
bogarting the garrett golf cart and tearassing around firebird raceway, through a swarm of killer bees. oops.
not getting painfully sunburned like steve and jon because i was smart and pre-gammed 😉
winning a quick release in the nico raffle. that gives me an excuse to buy a hub and a wheel.
having two of our distributors argue over who gets to hire me next (that was fun)
and a bunch more stuff i’ll probably remember at a later time and then forget to update about it…
the drive home wasn’t too bad, other than steve ripping his contact and me having to drive almost 400 miles straight through while i kept falling sleep and tried to somehow manage to keep the trailer on the road in my dangerously drowsy state. we got back to torrance at about 3am, went home and went right to sleep.
spent monday and tuesday packing and cleaning up all lose ends, and now, well, here i am in georgia.
i really don’t want to go back to philadelphia… i want to run away from responsibility and just have fun. i don’t like classes where i pay out the ass to learn shit i already know and/or will never use. that is, if i even learn anything at all. i don’t want to have to run into people i don’t particularly care for and ha
ve to make polite, pleasant converation with. hrm, maybe i won’t, maybe i’ll just flip them off instead. yeah, that’ll work. but really, anyway, i don’t want to go. philly’s boring. i outgrew that city after the first year of being there…
what else… it’s still cold here, but i don’t want to turn the heat on because heat is expensive and i’m the only one home so i’d feel guilty. maybe i will just crawl back into bed and take a nap and wait until he gets home from work… i’m happy here. not the geographical “here”, but the metaphorical. i don’t really know where it’s going, and as much as i’d like to, i keep telling myself why worry? things are good, i’m happy, i’m having fun, no need to rush or complicate it. whatever happens, happens. although i would like for him to stick around for a while. see, there i go again, getting ahead of myself. no need to do that, just take it day by day and be grateful that i am lucky enough to have him in my life.
anyway, time to go find something else to do to kill time…

March 22, 2005

this weekend was incredible. but i’ll update on that later this week when i’ve got some more time. packed my apartment today, dropped the car off, cried my ass off saying goodbye to her because i am an ultra-wuss, shipping everything from my apt tomorrow, then heading to atlanta for a few days before i arrive in philly on saturday… i can’t believe this is over so soon…

March 15, 2005

i have been so stereotypically californian the past couple of days… since i don’t have work anymore, i’ve been spending the majority of my time sprawled out on the beach. sure, i’m sunburned like hell and in pain, but it’ll eventually fade to a tan… i think it’s against the laws of nature or pysics or something for a jew to be able to get a decent tan. meh. so yeah, now i’m lounging around the apt in my bikini top and cutoff jeans watching tv in my flipflops and staring outside at the beautiful sunset. and i don’t plan on doing anything other than this all week 🙂

March 13, 2005

…and now for the private entry.
holy crap. erik is amazing.
we were talking sometime last week i think it was and he mentioned that a cute girl came into his job but he restrained himself and i said well you don’t have to it’s not like i’m your girlfriend or anything and he was like you’re not? i thought you were! so we talked and turns out, he’s my boyfriend and i am his girfriend 😀 he just pulled a paulie and decided not to tell me about it. haha.
he’s seriously so fantastic. i fall asleep at night cuddling his dgtrials tshirt and smiling. he makes me so happy. he’s seriously everything i’ve wanted. he’s smart, funny, beautiful, motivated, romantic, a sex feind… he’s just so perfect, and i am just so incredibly happy.
i miss him like crazy. i hate that he lives in atlanta but it’s okay, we’ll survive. i’ll see him in april around my birthday and that’s only a month away so i’m looking forward to it.
i am just absolutely terrified that it’s not going to work out.
because i can see myself with this one. for good.
i re
member the first day we met, hell, the first time i saw him.
i had that feeling and it scared the hell out of me because i knew exactly what it was.
but only time will tell…
he said he has every intention of sticking around for a while, and so do i, so i’m just taking it day to day and keeping my fingers crossed…
…but oh my god is he amazing.

March 13, 2005

so as usual, i’ve been slacking with the updates. but i actually have a legit reason this time!
i got a roommate and my apartment has turned into Hotel Drift California, so i hardly ever have any alone time to update, not to mention my computer gets bogarted all the time so it’s not even like i have had a chance to even sit down and write…
things have been going well here, my last day at Garrett was this past friday. i’ve never actually cried leaving a job before… but i just had so much fun working there, the people were so wonderful and generous and it really wasn’t like “work” to me, it was more like going to the office to play and have fun and get paid to do what i do anyway. they threw me this huge goodbye party, it was great, but really sad at the same time. there was a big cake with a picture of *my* disco potato silkscreened on it (haha totally cool) and i’m getting a cutaway turbo as a goodbye present 🙂
so about the living situation.
anthony came back from virginia a couple weeks ago and will be taking over the lease on my apartment startin
g whenever i leave. so that means hopefully if i come back i can just move back in to my place and split the rent with him. have i mentioned how much i love having him as a roommate? it’s like i’ve inherited a wife. i come home from work and the trash has been taken out, the dishes are done, and the apartment is cleaned. holy shit this is incredible. like, if i wasn’t straight i would totally marry a chick just for the “wife”/maid aspect. haha. plus, living with a guy means they can kill all the scary bugs, and if you play the i’m-a-cute-little-girl card right, they will do stuff for ya (i mean stuff like bring me food, get me the remote, do things i don’t want to do because i am lazy, etc)
tony’s been here since february 28th… that’ll be two weeks as of tomorrow. he was only supposed to stay here for a few days, but it’s turned into a nightmare (for him at least. i love having him here, he’s so much fun to have around). the dually had some bad exhaust leaks and they decided to fix it here rather than drive it back to atlanta with shitty gas mileage. well, turns out it had a lot more than exhaust leaks, it also had a warped manifold and turbine housing, so at the moment, we’re still waiting on parts to fix it, meaning tony’s here until whenever that happens. i enjoy the company, he’s a cool guy to chill with, i just feel bad that he’s stuck here for such a long period of time when he could
be home getting a job and being productive rather than sitting on my livingroom floor playing gt4 all day…
also, i’ve got a boyfriend now. he is wonderful and makes me smile. i’m happy. i’m just hoping i don’t fuck it up like all the rest…
but it’s the paulie situation again, as that i had no idea he was my boyfriend until recently. eep. haha.
note to all future guys in my life: if i am your girlfriend, please let me know!! thanks.
the nopi/ndra phoenix event is this friday, i’m heading down, i’ve got a sweeeet hotel room saturday night (again, thanks garrett!) but i haven’t figured out if i’m driving or having my friend trailer my car there. either way it should be a lot of fun. i haven’t had a chance to check out arizona yet, except for the 12 miles or so that i drove through on my way out here. ha.
then it’s back to philly. haven’t exactly decided how that’s going to happen yet. i’ve got a few options. gotta talk to tony and figure out what he’s doing before i can make any definite plans for myself…
it’s been fun out here. garrett wants me back, but it’s up to finance. hopefully things will get straightened out with that soon so i don’t have to go through drexhell’s lame ass interview process and i can come back here in september… i can’t wait to come back, i feel like i’m going to my death heading back to philly…
but now i am going to go and write a friends only or private entry with all the fun details i’ve left out here, because there are still certain people who read this who have absolutely no right to know anything going on in my life ❤