erik is incredible.
just something about being with him makes me SO happy.
he’s lovely.
we had so much sex last night, and it was wonderful.
first we went out to dinner at this place fat matt’s rib shack, i don’t particularly like bbq, but for him, i am willing to try new food, which i won’t do for anyone (i actually ate potstickers the other night for him… pork. me. wtf) it wasn’t too bad, i survived πŸ™‚ after we went for icecream and omgg i ate so much i almost got sick, but it was great cause he grossed out as much as i did. hehe.
after that we came home
took a shower
had sex in the shower
decided to go kick it in the hottub
had sex in the hottub
decided to go back inside after a while
and had sex for another two hours or so.
he’s very very talented in bed πŸ˜‰
rob was great, hell rob was amazing, but he never mixed it up, it was always the same stuff time after time
but erik,
erik changes it up, he is full of surprises
i like surprises.
we fell asleep in eachother’s
arms again
i love cuddling him
he’s absolutely beautiful
i don’t want to leave here. i really don’t. i fly back to philadelphia tomorrow. it’s too quick. i’m so happy with him. i don’t want this to end. i’m really scared that it will, although i don’t think it will anytime soon. he’s mentioned several times now that he plans on sticking around for a while, which makes me a really happy.
but we just don’t really get to spend enough time together for him to get the full “me”. and if he did, i wouldn’t have to worry about him leaving. cause you can’t help but fall in love with me once you get to know me πŸ˜‰
who knows… i just wish that he’d hurry up and realize me + him = for good.
it’s crazy that i am thinking all this so soon, i mean, i’ve known him for a year, we’ve only been together a few months, but somehow, it just feels so damn right.
ever since i first saw him back at beaverun, i had no idea who the hell he even was, but something inside me just clicked and said “ainsley, that’s him, that’s the one”
he’ll be home from work in a few hours, we’re going out tonight, he’s taking me somewhere but he won’t say where, nothing special, but he said it’ll be fun. i like us actually going out on dates. i like spending time with him, just us, i like him.
i am just scared
scared he will get bored
or find someon
e better
or because of the distance thing we won’t spend enough time together for him to realize that i rock at life and it’ll fizzle out
but if it’s meant to be, it’ll be.
i’ll see him again at formula d on april 16. my 21st birthday is the next day, i want to spend it with him, but i don’t know if that’s going to happen… i want to bring it up, but i don’t want to sound desperate or clingy. who knows. maybe i will mention it to him.
the other night, we were laying in bed, and i was going to ask him if he could wear the DG shirt he gave me so it’d smell like him, so i was like “erik, i have to ask you something really cheesy and silly, promise not to hate me okay?” and he’s like, “you’re not going to say a four letter word are you?” and so i’m like “what, the L word? no i wasn’t going to say that, but thanks for panicking and freaking out thinking i was” 😦 which made me sad. cause yes i do L him, but now i know for sure he doesn’t even slightly feel that way in return. yet. yet? i hope. it made me sad though. not that i was going to say it, i don’t want to freak him out/scare him off, but it suuuucks knowing that he really didn’t want me to even be thinking it. sad…
anyway, i’m just keeping my fingers crossed and trying really hard not to fuck this up…

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